i know why iris chang died – 05 September 2025

I seldom put a content warning on anything that I write, but due to the graphic content of i know why iris chang died, I, like playwright Esmé Maria Ng before me, feel compelled to warn readers that I intend to talk about sexual violence and the trauma of war in a way that will be explicit. There’s simply no other way to write about this play, its topic, and what it evoked for me.

Before going into historical intergenerational trauma and the importance of stories that confront how mental health challenges can result in graphic suicides, it’s imperative to take a moment to acknowledge this incredible team. Sagan Chen as May and Kelly Marie Tran as April were both riveting storytellers who kept the momentum of the play alive even in long stretches of time when each had the space alone. Their commitments to their respective characters were deeply complimentary to each other and created a very vivid picture of the differences in their lives and world views. Lighting (Ari Kim), sound/projections (Max Van), and the illustrations (May Wang) themselves painted a clear picture of how art can overtake the artist. Though it did not have a hopeful view of humanity, the piece itself did capture the unceasing march of time in a way that was somewhat comforting.

The message of i know how iris chang died was less about not repeating history and more about the dangers of getting lost in it. Towards the end, May kills themself because they started experiencing unshakable false memories of killing and harming people that drove them to take their own life. This came after writing a graphic novel on the Rape of Nanking, quite literally following in the footsteps of biographer Iris Chang, who killed herself after writing a book on the same subject. The past can seize us when we focus on the horrors and atrocities more than we celebrate the survivors. I am Jewish; two of my grandparents fled Nazi Germany. Unlike how May describes their parents telling the horror story of their grandmother’s survival of the Rape of Nanking, I first learned of my intergenerational trauma from the Holocaust through the lens of celebrating those who survived, because honoring six million deaths isn’t feasible. I was raised to focus on the living, and I like how Ng crafts this ending to show April’s life going on in the wake of May’s death. While May reminds us that mass atrocities are ongoing and endless, April reminds us that the small, daily miracles are also ongoing and endless. There is beauty in those who survive and keep memories alive that are fond, quirky, and  fun.

There were many moments in which this production made a deliberate choice not to show the audience something. Blank rectangles appeared when May confronted the images of the Rape of Nanking in Iris Chang’s books. In this moment, I found myself reflecting on the images I choose to hide from myself— particularly regarding weaponized sexual violence. For me, it’s less about not seeing the victims and more about not wanting to see the victims through the lens of the perpetrators. Most recently, I had this internal conflict about the body cam footage released by The Dinah Project of Hamas raping and murdering Israeli women during the October 7 Massacre (https://thedinahproject.org/). I know that I will be flooded with emotion for the victims. What I fear is understanding the perpetrators. I would like to think that I am very far from being the Japanese occupiers in Nanking— but, like May, I struggle with my capacity to do violence and flashes of doubt about the inherent goodness of mankind. In the play, May as a transmasculine person expressed the weirdness of the duality of embracing one’s masculinity and men/toxic masculinity being responsible for horrific acts throughout history. As a transgender man, I too understand this feeling. I was profoundly struck by the idea that Iris Chang, who was a cisgender woman, after all her research on the Rape of Nanking, concluded that war comes from the following of world leaders who don’t get their personal hands dirty and not from an inherent evil in individual soldiers/perpetrators. That gave me a little hope, and a reminder of the inherent humanity in all people no matter what regime they were unlucky enough to be born in/forced to live under.

The moments of May’s mental illness and demise into not knowing truth from intrusive thoughts interested me greatly. I am both a mental health patient and provider. Sagan Chen, aided by incredible moments of lighting and sound, really captured the way these thoughts sometimes start as a physical feeling and the recurrence adds details. It takes very few brain cycles for thinking about something to become a habit, and, when time has become nebulous and sleep has become a rare afterthought, it is easy to lose track of which patterns are real and which are created. Chen’s portrayal of the physical torment of psychological pain was spot on, and to me it was one of the most disturbing elements of the performance; it was disturbing in its accuracy.

Despite the heavy topics that i know why iris chang died raised directly and for me personally, the most remarkable element of this production was how much I genuinely enjoyed the experience. The characters were likable and lighthearted. They were very genuine and very real. I smiled a lot. It resonated with me not only as profound but also as profoundly entertaining.

I attended this performance on a press pass from Moxie Arts.