Cellino v Barnes – 11 January 2025

Cellino v Barnes is a fun, unconventional take on a get-rich-quick scheme, in that, though the ultimate goal is money, it begins with a much simpler goal: employment. As human beings, we are frequently drawn to stories of adversity and working really hard to earn your place in the world. But we also have the occasional flirtatious dalliance with hoping for an unexpected windfall where life just hands you something besides lemons and the work does itself. From the get go, the relationship between Cellino (Eric William Morris) and Barnes (Noah Weisberg) had that dreamlike, too-good-to-be-true quality where everything progressed and was built in an instant without a single day’s honest work.

At the top of the show, Barnes just wanted a job and Cellino gave him one despite not liking him. Then, just like that, they want to become business partners in a risky venture that they barely acknowledge the risk of. How do you build a brand new law firm from the ground up (even with legal experience)? A jingle. A billboard. A radio advertisement. Those are the building blocks that lead Cellino and Barnes to success. Lighting (Aiden Bezark) and sound (Chiara Pizzirusso/Max Mueller) kept the transitions seamless and hilarious, popping the audience in and out of jokes and further and further from this imaginable “reality” where everything just goes your way and leads to bigger and bigger success.

There’s a montage of the evolution of the Cellino and Barnes jingle where in each iteration they boast bigger and bigger success in terms of finances and cases won. But the deliberate choice is made that the play doesn’t include them doing any work. It seems magical at first, but, after a while, delusional. The audience starts to wonder—why is it this easy? Where is this going to break? Truthfully, the very funny jokes romanticizing starting and running a law firm made me wonder about the clients. The character arc of Barnes giving Cellino a really thoughtful, expensive gift and Barnes accepting in return a random doodle of Cellino’s that was all he could find at the moment confirmed the play’s initial statement. These lawyers who advertise on buses and benches? They’re just faces. Not only did Cellino not care or appreciate what Barnes had given him, Barnes was relatively unaffected by Cellino giving him nothing. It was a great metaphor for the legal field: you give something and expect nothing in return, but if something comes, you’ll take whatever it is then go back to seeking more.

Towards the end, Barnes is lying to Cellino about having a real job. Cellino’s energy is redirected towards paint colors for a bathroom while Barnes is taking a class in Powerpoint while the board is presumably running the legal firm (and reporting to Barnes). They both decide that they can make it on their own—and that idea is absurdly delusional for all involved parties. But then again, so was the creation of this firm that they shared. The rapid fire jokes in this show reminded me of The Office, most especially in the final moments where even though no real work was done, people discover the deep rooted need for each other and for working with colleagues who have come to know and respect your strengths and weaknesses so seamlessly that they protect your weaknesses from exposure to others and make sure your strengths make the front page.

Filled with fun stereotypes about nepotism and the grand adventure of making it on your own, Cellino v Barnes also had some serious underpinning themes about two people who are very different uniting to create something surreal, magical, and awe-inspiring. It used laughter as the very best medicine for hopeless situations that worked themselves out. It showed that a person or a business can direct all of their time, energy, money, and resources towards the wrong things and still have a shot at getting where they want to go. The magical thinking and the fantasy of this production was absolutely delightful for the audience because, ultimately, this is the kind of escape that many of us dream about. A world where everything makes us smile, success is guaranteed, and we never doubt our value because others are there to prop us up without needing to ask or beg or worry. Hilariously crafted, Cellino v Barnes delivers a lot of laughter through carefully crafted caricatures who take us on a journey to nowhere that still leaves us feeling like we enjoyed every moment of the ride.

I attended this performance on a press pass from Print Shop PR.